Almost 3.0

It is two more days before me version 3.0. I think i  need to write down something for myself, maybe as a reminder or a reflection what i have been through so far.

Maybe people see my life as a picture perfect life as a happy mom with adorable son and having and living a good life.

God will be mad at me if i dont be grateful for what i have. I do feel blessed with everything i have.

But i am a mere human. And as we all know there is no such thing call "perfect" in this world. I did regret some things, questioning lots of things, why this and why that and so on. To be truthfully honest my life today is waaaayyyy different with what i had in my mind in my early twenties. At first i felt that things were falling apart but in my late twenties i realised that things are not falling apart, it is falling into places. Places where it should be.

When i took a glance on my past by looking on my present, if i think with my heart i will always questioning lots lots lots oh things but if ..... to be continued my toddler is crying .....  but if i think with my logic it is all make sense.

Highlight on my twenties

Cant describe how much awesome moments and experiences that i have in my twenties. Major highlights are worked as trainee associate in a lawfirm, watched loads of concerts gigs live musics, studied aboard, Farid Iskandar, Married, delivered Arsakha to this world... Being a mom is definitely the MAJ!

One thing that i need to remember is :

what happened in your teen, twenties it will have impact on your life no matter how long it is.. it can be 10 year ago, 2 year ago or 15 years ago. When there was a situation where feeling get involved you just cant easily wipe it away. It will be part of your journey, you might not understand why certain things happened to you and why it sticks for so long until everything fall into places and finally you get it.

If i could send mesagge to all my child and grandchild and grandgrandgrandchild and so on :

"Please be careful with every decision that you make in your life, you might not know what it will bring to you and your heart. You have to be strong to face impacts and consequences from your decisions. If you do not have a strong heart to face it better ask and pray to God for help and peacefulness." *e080115

PeaceTakeCareGoodLuck
Erma ver 2.9

And this one is for me :)

If i have to fight alone, so be it

My mom teaches me to believe in God. So when i find out that i might have to fight alone, i said to myself "so be it" God with me always.
Peace Take Care Good Luck
14032014
erma

Memory Full - Force Stop

Today, i am experiencing a state of "memory full" in my laptop. it can not work properly. system error, can't save files, etc. Doing "force stop" doesn't help either, later i found out that 4GB RAM are all used. I don't know how to solve this. 

I assume there are at least 2 ways to fix it.

1. Erase all stuff that i no longer use, including files, pictures, applications, etc

or / and

2. Add more 4GB RAM (max capacity that my laptop can take) 

Now i start to think, it is kinda same with i am feeling right now. I think my heart is "memory full", it can not work properly. can not love well, seize life well, malfunctioning.

Doing force stop to certain feeling that i don't want to feel is not working too. You just can NOT "force stop" feelings. It is same with certain applications in computer that you just can't stop because you are using it - understand? 

At first, i don't understand, why i can't stop it all. but then i realized, because i am using it, you can not stop things that you need, even though you might not realized that you need it. Just like those certain applications that you just can't "force stop".

So, for myself i assume that i need to:

1. Erase all my feelings that i should not and can not have

or / and

2. Accept all my feelings bitter or sweet by expanding my heart capacity

Maybe, computer and human are not so different after all.

Cheers,

Peace Take Care Good Luck

@ermaeruma  

kata mereka sebaiknya menulis saja..

perasaan itu ada bukan untuk diingkari 

dan bukan untuk dihindari

tidak selalu bisa untuk diakui dan dihayati

tetapi bisa juga menyakiti

perasaan yang ada bisa jadi memenuhi

jiwa, pikiran dan hati

dan jika dihindari

bisa menyakiti diri

jika bisa diberikan sepenuh hati

kepada si pemberi inspirasi

mungkin bisa jadi tak berarti

karena tak saling mengisi

ingin diri menghilangkan ini

melarung semuanya pergi

tapi apa daya diri 

perasaan tidak bisa berjalan pergi

selama ini selalu tak diakui

perasaan yang dikira pergi

mengingkari diri sendiri

air mata tak terhindari

berharap tak punya rasa ini

yang mungkin tak akan mati

baiknya harus diakui

kalau memang rasa itu tak akan pernah pergi

peace takecare goodluck

@ermaeruma

terima kasih kepada my angels on earth ibu Andien dan ibu Oya piss piss piss sambil minum teh botol :D piss lagi ah hahhahaa :D

to erase a feeling - to create a feeling

do you know how to erase a feeling or to create one?

please let me know.

do i want to erase what i have inside? no. maybe. idk.

do i want to create what i dont have inside? yes. maybe. idk.

how about you?

or maybe i just have to synchronize it? with who or with what?

with you or with my brain?

tell me when you know the answer. 

peace take care good luck

erma

27nov13 

Lyric - Heartbreak Moment - Her Space Holiday

I used to think that being alone would somehow simplify my life

But I really know myself and I know I'm going miss tonight

Talking on the telephone or having all the postage paid

Will never make me feel as good as walking on those river banks



Laughing like two little kids sitting in the back of class

The only thing that's on my mind is how to make this moment last

So I pulled my camera out and aimed it at your smiling face

All the while we hear the sound of our time ticking away



I used to think that being in love would somehow complicate my life

But I really know my heart and I can hear yours beat with mine

Pounding on piano keys and strumming those old copper strings

Will always make me feel like you're standing right there next to me



Singing like two little kids waiting for the rain to pass

The only thing that's on my mind is how to make this moment last

So I pulled my feelings out and left them in your travel case

All the while we hear the sound of our time ticking away



If I was a rich man I would bring my friends along

We'd move up to the mountains and record a hundred songs

But since my wallet's empty and I have these lines to sing

Just know that I will see you all when I close my eyes and dream



I will see you Joseph with that child light in your eyes

Standing in the moonlight staring up at all the stars

We'll be with Piana as she plays those organ keys

And we'll all become kids again and laugh out loud until our hearts are free



Just her and him

Her and him and me

[ These are The Heartbreak Moment. Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ] 


----- one of my favorite songs, they (I) said a song can describe how you feel and deliver a hidden message. can you read my hidden message?------

peace take care good luck
erma
27nov2013

writing to reach you

tonight i start to write again.

about my feeling or not.

no.

no.

it is not about you or not.

or maybe it is about you or not.

maybe it is about me.

or maybe it is about you, you and you.

it is about a feeling or not.

it is about a person or people or not.

maybe it is about nothing at all.

just need to write, no need to be heard or commented.

just write.

peace take care good luck
erma 27 nov 2013

Old Pictures

Old pics
Lagi back up data dan menemukan dan melihat banyak poto poto lama. Dari tahun 2004an saat lagi baru barunya bawa kamera dan hp berkamera... yeah im old hahaha..
Kenapa saya suka poto.. it likes it has some magical meaning that can bring us back to that moment. Saya tahu it sounds like im such a person who attach too much on the past but im not like that. Saya hanya menghargai momen yang pernah terjadi di hidup saya it is precious.
Remembering the people on the pics with memories and everything....
But then, i can not stuck on the past i have to move on go forward live a life... sometime it is nice to look back at old pics and be grateful for what i had and have.
Pictures are the windows to the past, to remember the good things in life so we can be grateful. What had happened in the past has made us who we are today.
Peace TakeCare GoodLuck
Erma
12112013

Aamiin

InsyaAllah Tuhan telah mencukupkan kami.  Aamiin..

You were born alone

I remember when I told myself that never worry about being alone, we were born alone anyway.. even for twins, there were always time difference when they were born.

In your journey of life, you will find or you will cross path with many people. Some you hope to stay, some not. Some people you'd thought that could be special in your life (friends, lover, best friends, etc) at some point turn out to be nothing, or some people that you'd considered as special in your life turn out not too special or they don't think you are something in their life.

The point is maybe you might think that you are someone best friend or friend or 'special' but it turns out that the person just classify you as someone they once knew in their life.

Dont be sad.. you were born alone and you will die alone too.. in between of your journey please dont be mind if you have to walk alone.

And if you ever feel this way, dont worry, you are not alone. You read my blog for a reason, the reason might be you are not really alone, you have me.. a friend that you think you'll never have :) and i will walk with you virtually. Let's be friend and i promise you, i will consider you as my friend not just some random people that i once knew in my life.

-----why i blog this: just feel dissapointed.. i thought i was someone's best friend but it turns out i just someone she once knew.--

PeaceTakeCareGoodLuck
Erma

Plastic Clothes Pegs Decoration

When you need some colors in your living room. Easy, cheap home decoration. Attach it with Uhu Patafix, wont leave any marks on your wall when you remove it.

DIY project
Peace Take Care Good Luck
Erma

Farid Iskandar

I dont know him. One thing for sure, whenever his name flashed in my mind, it reminds me of life. How precious it is and lots of blessing that i have received so far.

Now it makes me thinking how come i worked like a pig few years ago for someone else's company but when i try to build my own business i feel soooo darn lazy..

It feels like i dont appreciate my life. Yet i have receiced lots lots lots blessing but i just being a potato couch... ouchhhh... okay not really a potato couch lahhh.. i do things tooo lots of them... i am a mom.. i take care of my son.. my house.. dirty laundry.. dirty diapers.. dirty plates.. to sum it up i do everything... i am a mom.. housewife without nanny maid helper. But still i want to do something productive. Yes i do something productive such as selling stuff online occasionally, translating documents on project basis. But i want more. It seems my ambitious side never really leave me after i became a housewife.

Okay now this post become really absurd and super random. Maybe only me who can understand it. That is okay.. actually i just want to pour what's inside my head. You know lahh a housewife like me have no social life. I have no one to talk to. Sooo whenever i write i feel that someone is listen to me.. eventhough i know at the end the comments below only come from some anonymous who want to sell some products. I dont care hahahaha :D

It's late now.. almost dawn.. time to sleep. As you know, a mommy housewife doesn't get much sleep.. and i need a good one rite now... wish me sweet dreams :)

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Erma

Eruma On Marriage

Let me describe here what is marriage according to me.

Marriage is an act with purpose/s.

If someone choose not to tie the knot, that's totally fine - as long as that's what they really want and it's reflected in their heart.

I choose to get married because I have purposes. What are my purposes?

My super purpose and the most of the most important is God. Call me 'sok relijius' but that's my highest purpose and basis of all my other purposes.

Involved in a marriage relationship is not easy. It really really takes '*idontknowhowtodescribe*' - okay basically for me it takes everything. That's why in my religion, there's a saying "menikah itu setengahnya agama". If I'm not mistaken ya.. The point is it is not easy, in this relationship, you'll learn and practice (at the same time) how to be grateful, patient, share, patient, loved, patient, understood, patient, patient, patient and 'ikhlas' (I don't know the correct term for ikhlas in english :P )

So, if you aren't married yet don't take conclusion too fast about marriage couples and marriage life because you do not know ~ because you're not married - as simple as that.

If you aren't married yet but want to get married as soon as possible. That's ok. But dear, please enjoy your singlehood life for yours sake. It is fun. When the time has come, you'll get married too eventually. Just be patient, enjoy and relax. Believe that God has good plans for you.

If you really really don't want to get married, please don't judge other's married life, because you don't know (because you're not married). Give respect to married people on their choice to tie the knot. Don't get mad if people expect you to get married, they don't understand and they're just trying to be nice.

FYI. I was 'I don't want to get married' people once. You can search on my previous posts - and you'll understand, if not, just ask me :) But I never looked down on people who get married. And I never get mad or 'sewot' whenever people expect me to get married. At that time, I did what I believed - I didn't have a partner (even if I had at that time, marriage wasn't an option for us) - I didn't live with a partner or depend on a partner - and I don't ("don't" not "didn't" ) believe in love. At that time I really really believed on my 'not to get married' belief. I lived my life freely, independently and most important I stayed single :D (I have more than 1 tshirt with 'single' on it haha :D) During that time I never ever looked down or mocked people who choose to get married. I respect them, I just didn't have the same belief as them at that time.

And now I have the same respect to them who choose to stay single. I try not to get mad or bothered when people mocked marriage life - it's because they don't know and understand (because they're not marriage).

Everyone has their path, choice and way of life. It is not our portion to judge them just because they have different perspective on marriage. Marriage is not a bad thing nor a good thing. It is an act with purposes. So, if you don't have any purpose don't get married then. And don't get married if you have no purpose.

It is your call. Do what you believe and reflect it. Respect others. Do not judge someone/something that you think you know but you don't. You're not in their shoes, don't try to judge whether it fits or not.

PeaceTakeCareGoodLuck

Erma

5Nov2012

Erma, you have to work harder!!

I have dreams. Lots of dreamsss. And I want to make it true. InshaAllah.. Aameen..

Two of them are:
1. Rounding a sacred cube once every year; and
2. Chopping and sharing a four leg furry or not so furry animal - I prefer the bigger one, every year.

What I need to do now is pray and work hard.

Dear God,

Please hear my prayers and make it true. Aameen..

-- wise man says when you have a dream write it down --

Therefore I write it down here.. Some of my dreams, others I keep in my mind and my heart and God knows it.

PeaceTakeCareGoodLuck
Erma
14102012

Menikah itu menerima kekurangan dan kelebihan pasangan kita

I wish someone told me about this before the wed ceremony. But that's okay laa.. No one ever told me that it will be easy. It is a learning process and I learn my lessons.

It would be nice if I could spread these words to newlyweds but I guess it is not appropriate to post it on twitter since I don't know what will it brings.. So for the sake of my life I choose to post it in my blog instead.

But if I have the opportunity to tell the newlyweds, I will definitely spread the words. --- if I'm not forget :P

Peace Take Care and Good Luck
Erma
Oct 9 2012

Ps. I pray to God please give me big heart to accept my partner's 'kelebihan dan kekurangan' and so do him. Aameen.

Can I get more 'aameen' on this?

:D

Bear With It

My life is superb right now but I am not as happy as people think. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I'm not thankful for what God has given to me, but there is a thing that constantly disappoint me. It is not my son Arsakha - he is sooo super cute and make me want to hug him every single minute :* kiss for you from Bubun (in case one day Arsakha read this post, it isn't about you my dear son).

People says shit happens and there's no such a perfect life in this world - which actually I don't agree with these statements previously. But life has taught me different lessons and it force me to 'kinda' agree with it.

As far as I remember, I posted a post re. Shit happens years ago. Probably yes shit needs to happen once a while, if not you'll get sick - literally. But if it happens too many times it is diarrhea... And if I have to life with it, it means I have to find a medicine to cure it - if it possible, if not, I have to bear it. Wish me lots of luck then.


PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Erma
30aug12

Things are changing..

July 1, 2012

I think this post will be my 1st quite serious post after I gave birth to my first child, Arsakha..

I read somewhere that writing is one of many ways to reduce stress and I think that is true. I feel my life was more easier when I write and post something.. Lately, I am rarely write and post in my blog. I don't know why. Maybe because things are changing. My life now is different -- ya iyalah ya.. Udah nikah dan punya anak -_____-''

I don't need to publish my writing/blog to everybody I know -- like tweets in twitter. I just need to write, if someone or people read it that is ok, if not that is ok too. Writing keep me sane, at least that is how I feel when I am writing something.

Right now, I am having difficulty to sleep at a new place so I decide to write a post. Now I am at a villa in Puncak with my husb's family. What a humble weekend if I may say. When I was young -- before married to be exact -- I can spent my sat nite at three different places, with different people and different groups.

Things are changing. Sometimes I do not want to change, but everything is changing, the world, the trees (it is getting bigger -- it is changing, right?), etc.

Do I want to stay the same? Having the same routine over and over again.. Having fun in the same way again and again..

Time will not stay and wait for me. I do have the right to choose how I live my life. But still, time and age are changing. If I stay the same, will I have time to fulfill my dreams, try new things and make people around me happy?

So I choose to change, time will not stay and wait for me. God gives me opportunities, tons of opportunities, God gives me time for me to be a Daughter, a Grand Daughter, a Sister, a Friend, a 

Private School Student, a Public School Student, a Girlfriend, a Law Student, a Design Student, a Trainee Fashion Designer, a Workaholic Lawyer, a Broken hearted Girl, a Jobless Person, a Foreign Student, a Tour Guide, a Graduate Student, a Bride, a Wife, a Daughter in Law, a Sister in Law, a Pregnant Woman, a Mother and now a Breastfeeding Mom. I hope God will give me more opportunities in life. I feel blessed and thankful.

Things are changing and I feel glad that I have changing from time to time to feel and grow with the world. My transformations are form of gratitude to God. Alhamdulillah.

Enjoy every phase of your life. It may not be repeated.

Peace TakeCare Goodluck
Erma :)
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according to me

i think and i do agree with my thought..

loving someone and

choosing someone to spend your lifetime with

is different.. these two things are not related...

according to me..

peace-takecare-goodluck
06april2011

Count your blessings

If I'm not mistaken I read this sentence few years ago.. "Count Your Blessings". Few weeks ago, when I was window-shopping-ing in Ion with Monica Sinaga and Uchie Wohon, I saw a book. The book is basically an empty note book with few lines as an instruction how to use the book. The book is a 'thank you' book. You suppose to write thank you notes in it. KaMon bought one that time. For me, I didn't buy it but the book has inspired me :)

I should've make my own thank you notes in my blog. So far I have Eruma on Love, Whatever and others but I don't have Eruma on Thank You - or something like that,, I'll find the suitable tittle for it later on. I feel ashamed.. After all this time with lots lots lots of blessing from God and lots lots lots beautiful, kind, good people surrounding me, I haven't expressed it in my blog. It's not that I'm not grateful or thankful, I just don't post it on my blog. But from now on I'm going to make special section on this. By being thankful, it will bring more positivity vibe in my life, that's just exactly what I need. :)

What kind of post will be on first section of 'bless' and 'thank you' ?

Just wait and see

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Erma