A (last) letter for U

Dear U,

I just want U to know that if I feel sad, it is my fault.. I am not supposed to expect U to have feeling for me always..

So if right now or someday in the future U share your feeling with someone U love and love U too, I should be happy for U.

I have tried many ways to get over U. Distance and boyfriends were not work well. Only one near death experience that works to drive me to get over U (and I don't have plan to experience it again). But somehow I always fall back into your gravity. A thing that U have created unconsciously that somehow tied my heart. It is not your fault, I let my heart to be tied.

To be honest, not hearing your voice was not working either... I still let my heart close and tied to U..

After 10 years I let my heart tied to U, now I have to let U go, be happy with whatever U do and not bother U anymore. It won't be easy for me but I am doing it now (not "I will try"--like I used to do for these past years--).

I apologize for things I have done, like hating U because of someone that I don't even know --but I am not really hate U, U know I cannot hate U-- and bothering U for this past year.

I am sorry if I ever hurt U --I never meant to hurt U--

I am sorry if I ever menyusahkan hidupmu selama ini.

I am sorry I cannot be the one.

I am sorry I cannot choose U.

So this is it, after a year I stopped hearing your voice I let U go now.

I really hope that U can find someone U love and love U too, get married and have a good family :)

Take a good care of yourself, be happy with everything U do, don't forget to eat regularly, don't drink coffee too much (any kind of coffee including yang kamu suka yang pait banget itu hehehe xP) and jangan lupa minum air putih setiap hari.

I also hope we can be friends again someday. So please let me know (or not) when U are ready But if it doesn't happen, it is okay. As long as U are happy, I will be happy for U. I wish both of us will be happy in our own ways.

...For U your own way and for me mine...

Ps. I have a picture of you in my facebook, our friend tag me in it. I have not remove the tag, it is actually fine by me. If U feel that it bothers U, U can always untag it. I haven't changed my fb email and password. U know how to access it, right.

See U - I don't know when..

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
****
Erma
200809

... I know there is no guarantee that I will send it to U or U will read this letter --since as far as I remember U told me not to send him anything-- But as I have mentioned in my previous blog "she changes her nails' colors" I just need to write this letter. So U don't have to read it, I'm the one who need to write it down,, hehehe xP Even though U do not read this letter I will always pray for his happiness, always...

...Always like I always do...

...

Till we meet again, someday somewhere..

If we meet again someday somewhere before 22082043 maybe that time is the right time for us to meet again.

When the right time come, I believe both of us are ready to cope with our feelings and be friends or not.

Whatever that is, I will always pray for your happiness and your life.

Peace, take care and good luck.

241209
Merry Christmas to U

...

Wrote in 200809
Posted in 241209
Erma

This is weird

Just today, like two hours ago, I found someone facebook page and the weird part is once I browsed his page I feel that "if I were a boy I would like to be him" somehow I feel we have common resemblance (at least based on his pictures on his page).

Isn't that weird? How many times in your life you feel something like this? --this is not love for sure--

Isn't that weird? Maybe I'm not that rare after all.. I used to think that there is no human being like what I have in my mind. And voilaaa yes today I know that someone is exist and alive.

Now I know and fully aware that there are soooo many kind of people in this round big world.

Maybe there is a chance or at least a small slight chance for me to find what I have been looking for..

I crossed my finger :)

Ps: I don't even know the guy from facebook, he is even not in my friend list. Maybe we can be friends someday. Hehehe xP

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Eruma
22122009
Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Resolution

Happy Islamic New Year..

For some people in Indonesia, today is the right time to wash their keris (traditional sword in Indonesia).

For me, today is a step ahead to the future.

I have lots and lots resolutions for the upcoming year. One of them that I really need to write down in here is -- I want to make my own blog full with pictures that I've taken so far. The main reason is to remind myself to create this blog. I must spare my time to do this.. (OMG.. What kind of jobless people who need to spare time.. Lol:D)

Ok, first thing first.. I will need a name for the address.. Hmmm...I'll figure it out soon.

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Eruma
1 Suro 2009

Preventive Measures in Relationship

I always say to all my friends how important preventive measures is.

Love -or "something" related to heart- is not easy to control. It can be fun and dangerous at the same time.

That is why we need preventive measures in a relationship.

We will need preventive measures right from the start.

1. Do not overthink/exaggerate. (or in bahasa "jangan lebay").
~when we get closed to someone, we tend to exaggerate something. Even if the thing is really special never think it is special.~

2. Do not focus only in one person.
~never put too much attention and affection into one person only, you will become obbsessed. Find other person/stuff (does not have to be other fling, it can be your friends, families or hobbies).~

-USE THIRD METHOD IN SPECIAL CASES ONLY-

3. Do not fall in love.
~use this method in special cases ONLY. Example: if you get closed to someone that you cannot have (somebody else's partner, etc)~

These preventive measures are based on researches. Easy to write down but not easy to be done.

---------SIDE EFFECT----------

I have tried these preventive measures. They are come with a side effect. The side effect is you might lose a chance to know somebody in an intimacy relationship.

But it is okay for me since I have broken my heart once and I do not want it to happen again. So I will be more carefull this time. ~the truth is I am not ready for a relationshit oooops relationship~ hehehe xP


PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Erma
291109

Hey U, Today is the right time to call your best friend.

Hey U,

(Yes - this is another post for U)

I think U should call your best friend. He is one of your best friends since junior high (if I am not mistaken) and U are the one who created his nickname (I know this info from him just today).

I do not know whether U have heard about the news or not but I think he really needs your support right now and you should contact him. As far as I know he hasn't changed his YM or his cell phone number.

I know I'm not supposed to send U anything but U can't forbid me to post in my own blog right? Anyway I really need U to contact him and I don't know any other way to tell U. But if U have contacted him, thank you then..

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Erma
251109

Ilmu Sang Maha

Hari ini saya pergi sebuah pameran poto oleh salah satu potografer handal di Indonesia Pak Fendi Siregar.

Ada sebuah poto yang sangat memukau saya. Poto laut yang diambil dari atas dengan langit biru, ombak menggulung indah, kapal-kapal berwarna-warni dan orang-orang berkerumun di bibir pantai dengan payung yang juga berwarna-warni.

Di bawah poto itu terdapat sebuah wacana yang kurang lebih saya menangkapnya seperti ini "Ilmu Allah itu diibaratkan sebagai lautan, sebanyak apapun sampah dan kapal yang ada di laut, tidak akan pernah penuh". Kapal-kapal itu adalah manusia-manusia.

Gambaran yang sangat mengena dengan wacana yang sangat sesuai.

Membuat saya jadi tersadar. Ilmu Sang Maha itu sangat besar diibaratkan sebagai lautan luas. Kapal secanggih apapun tidak akan bisa menaklukan luasnya samudera. Sepintar apapun pemikiran manusia, tidak akan ada yang melebihi ilmu Sang Maha.

Dalam kehidupan, manusia selalu bertanya kenapa begini kenapa begitu, manusia bertanya karena tidak tahu. Manusia tidak tahu karena kurang ilmu. Mungkin memang ada beberapa hal yang tidak dapat dicapai oleh ilmu manusia cuma Sang Maha yang tahu jawabnya.

Baiknya tidak usah berfikir menjadi Tuhan, karena ilmu manusia tidak akan pernah melebihi ilmu Sang Maha. Jikalau ada hal-hal yang masih misteri, mungkin memang yang terbaik untuk manusia adalah tidak mengetahui hal tersebut. Biarlah hanya Sang Maha yang tahu.

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Erma
251109

a paper that i found in my sewing box

How to forget the feeling that you feel to someone that you cannot have.

How?

1. Find new activities.

New stuffs can distract your mind from focusing to your feeling. I have tried and it really works.

2. Do sports.

When you are running or swimming or jumping, your heart will beats faster and you will feel pumping. You will definitely feel another feelings other that the feeling you try to forget. I have tried and it works.

3. Travels.

New places will bring new ambiances. It is good to escape from the usual places that remind you of the feeling. I have tried and it works well under certain conditions.

4. Go to crowded places.

Low lights and lots of people will make you feel something, either good or bad. Feel other feelings is always good. I have tried and it works.

5. Do something with your hand and eye.

Drawing, writing, painting, taking pictures and other activities require hand and eye coordination is good to make your mind working and abandon the feeling. I have tried and it works.

6. Do the chorus.

Wash the dirty clothes, do the dishes, mop the floors, clean the trash cans, including clean your room are good for you, your heart and your health. Throwing away unused stuffs and cleaning something make you feel good. I have tried and it works.

7. Spend more time with your family and relatives.

Play with your little nieces and nephew. Have a chat with your parents and listen to the elders' stories. It is good to share something with them. Make them happy is good for your mind and heart. I have tried and it works.

8. Do something that you always want to do.

Maybe you always think it is too late to try something that you always want to do. Now is the right time. Don't be shy to join a magic trick class or an acting class or other classes. Do it now and it is not too late. It is never too late to do something that you want plus it can help your heart. I have tried, not easy at first but it works.

9. Involve in charity programs.

Help others in need. It is not only giving money in a big amount. You can bake a cake and share it with a homeless or give an old dress to someone in need. Give attention to other people feelings will definitely help you since it will make you realize that there is a greater feeling than the feeling that you try to forget. I have tried and it works all the time.

10. Going out with your friends.

Friends are fairies on earth. They always know how to cheer you up and to provide a shoulder to cry on. They are the only group of people who are willingly to listen to your stories again and again and again. By meeting them only, it can make you and your heart feel much better instantly. I have tried and it works all the time.

These above mentioned points are based on my personal researches so far. Hopefully I can add more points (I think I could add 2 more, hehehe xP) excluding points related to "meeting a new man/woman" and "alcohol and drugs".

Do you have any suggestion?

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Erma
Friday 131109

I M U - I

I know I'm not suppose to tell U how I feel right now. Not because I don't want U to know how I feel about U. Not because U don't want to know how I feel about U. I know that U probably don't want to hear anything from me. And I will be lie, if I said I wish U didn't read this post.

I miss U

I don't want anything from U. I just need to say it (or write it down). I don't care if U don't miss me. I don't care with what she say about U. I don't know her, I don't even know her name. I've known U for almost 10 years I choose to believe in U, even if U lied, I'll still believe in U. I want to believe what we had was real. Even though, it is hard to believe - it is also hard not to believe. I don't ask for your explanation. Once again, I just need to say that I miss U.

This 'I miss U' feeling is torturing me. It is like a chicken pox itch, very itchy but I can't scratch it. If I scratch, it will wounded my skin and leave a scar. I will hold the itch, let it be and it will be gone eventually..

I don't have an intention to compare my feeling to U to an itch. Sorry. I don't know a better comparison for it. Hehehe xP

Anyway, if U happen to read this post, just ignore it. Hopefully, the itch has gone at that time.

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Erma
8Nov09

What

I just got home, saturday morning.. Couple hours before the sun rise.. A year ago, when I got home very early in the morning, it was because of my workload.

Today, I just got home and I think. What are people looking for in life?
Money? Praise from others? Love? Or what?...

Everybody want to be success in their life. Success in what? Earning money? Getting praise? Living with their love? Or what?

Everybody want to be happy. Is money make you happy? Is being praised make you happy? Is having someone you love make you happy?

What if you were working and earning lots of money but it does not make you happy? Is it a success?

What if you were being praised for something you do not like to do? Does it make you happy? Is it a success?

What if you were married to someone you love but it complicate your life? Does it make you happy? Is it a success?

What is the meaning of success?

What is the meaning of happiness?

Is it being able to accept. what we have in life? Is it a success?

Is it be happy what we have in life? Is it a happiness?

...

Peace Takecare Goodluck
Eruma
6-7 Nov 09

unemployed = menganggur

Nama saya Erma. Saya sudah hampir 6 bulan menganggur,, actually I prefer called it I'm in my "sabbatical break" since I never have an actual break since kindergarten..

Pre Kindergarten - Kindergarten - Elementary School - Junior High School - Senior High School - Law School - Design Course - Work - breeeaakk, next I dont know what...

Anyway, what i've learned so far.. saya tidak sepenuhnya menganggur.. sekarang saya bisa melakukan hal-hal yang tidak bisa saya lakukan sebelumnya, terutama saat bekerja..

Maybe it is the right time for me to take a break so I can do other things that I cannot do before :)

I can take more pictures, go to places I've never been to, experiencing spiritual journey, play with Sipus and be in a right place when my friend need me.. priceless..

I'm grateful with this break.. but I'm not grateful enough if I just being lazy all the time while there is an important thing that I should do..

Dear God,

I am sorry, not being grateful enough for this precious break. I am not doing things that I should do. I turn into a couch potato instead of doing something that I really should do. Now the deadline is near and I have not finished it. I know it is my fault because I lost my hope just for a chessy reason. Please forgive me and help me find my hope and finish this.

Ameen...

a reminder for myself... Erma.. word more less fb! huff,,,

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Erma
141009

Place of the truth

Some people choose to express their feelings in facebook or twitter. For me, the best place to express my feelings is here.

Today, my best friend asks me how long does it take to get over a broken heart.. To be honest I think it will take forever, since after over a year in a silent phase I still struggling with my not so healthy heart.

That is my honest response but I lied. I told her that her heart will get better soon. I want her to feel better and have her relationship repaired (I'm not sure if it is the right word for a relationship.. Huff wtf..).

Sorry neng, saya abul hehehe xP I just want you to be happy and back on track.. I know it will be hard for you to lose someone in this way -- the way with a damage in your heart -- I believe both of you can find the best way to cope with this situation and upgrade your relationship into a better ship for both of you. So you can sail thru the sea of love happily ever after..

Goodluck Oy :)

Peace Takecare Goodluck
Erma
1octo9

"Love is so short, forgetting is so long." From the poem 'Tonight I Can Write - Pablo Neruda.

U are not a disease

Siapakah kita bisa menyalahkan atau membenarkan

Siapakah kita..

Bukan Tuhan.. Bukan yang dapat menyalahkan atau membenarkan suatu pilihan hidup.

Kita hanyalah manusia yang dapat berspekulasi apa yang sekiranya mungkin benar atau tidak.

Kalau kami memilih untuk berteman daripada berkompetisi lalu memilih untuk saling mendukung daripada saling menjatuhkan di suatu institusi yang membayar kami untuk jadi pekerja, apakah kami salah? Padahal kami tetap bekerja.

Kalau kami memilih untuk mempunyai rasa kebersamaan daripada rasa ingin menang sendiri di dalam suatu lingkungan yang kompetitif, apakah kami salah? Padahal kami tidak merugikan.

Kami bukan pihak yang berhak membenarkan tindakan kami.

Tapi..

Kalian juga bukan pihak yang berhak menyalahkan tindakan kami.

Karena..

Salah atau Benar itu milik Sang Maha.

Kalau..

Kalian menyalahkan kami karena uang.

Berarti..

Uang adalah Sang Maha dari kalian.

Sekali lagi, saya (kami) tidak menyalahkan pernyataan diatas. Saya (kami) hanya berasumsi bahwa uang adalah penentu dari apa yang kalian lakukan.

Benar atau salah itu milik Tuhan, Sang Maha dari saya (kami).

PeaceTakecareGoodluck

Erma
30aug2009

Cin(t)a dari sudut pandang Erma

Cin(t)a adalah film yang menggambarkan kehidupan beragama di Indonesia - yang katanya berbeda-beda tetapi satu jua dan menceritakan suatu bentuk toleransi tingkat tinggi antar umat beragama.

Penggambaran kehidupan beragama di Indonesia yang beraneka ragam tetapi sarat konflik digambarkan dengan sangat rapi dan halus di film Cin(t)a ini. Pembalutan cerita dengan cara romantisme dengan skenario yang mengandung makna yang lebih luas daripada sekedar percintaan antar agama. Sekilas seperti film romantika dengan problema biasa tetapi sebenarnya di dalamnya terkandung penggambaran-penggambaran keadaan realita hidup beragama yang beragam di Indonesia. Tema yang tidak mudah untuk diangkat secara terang-terangan di dalam sebuah film.

Menyimak jauh lebih dalam cerita Cin(t)a ini terdapat penggambaran sebuah contoh toleransi tingkat tinggi antar umat beragama. Penceritaan dimana sesama umat beragama saling mencintai dan menghargai jalan hidup yang dipilih secara masing-masing. Tanpa menilai mana yang salah mana yang benar. Sebuah penggambaran toleransi tingkat tinggi yang sering kali diajarkan di sekolah-sekolah tetapi sulit untuk dilakukan oleh sebagian masyarakat Indonesia yang beragam.

Bagi saya film ini sungguh brilliant. Jalan ceritanya pun sangat realistis dan menggambarkan apa yang sebenarnya terjadi di dalam pasangan antar agama. Bukan cerita film yang menjual mimpi dan berlebihan, melainkan menceritakan sisi-sisi yang jarang tersentuh dengan cara yang sangat wajar dan nyata.

Cin(t)a dari sudut pandang Erma adalah sebuah film yang menggambarkan sesuatu yang biasa terjadi tetapi tidak pernah menjadi bahasan umum dengan dibalut dalam cerita romantika yang sangat rapi.

Cin(t)a dengan apik mengangkat tema keberagaman beragama di Indonesia yang sangat sensitif dalam balutan cerita cinta yang rapi dan mengandung makna yang jauh lebih dalam mengenai toleransi beragama dengan cara yang wajar dan nyata.

Bravo kepada semua pihak yang berperan dalam pembuatan dan penayangan film Cin(t)a.

Sangat cocok ditonton sesaat setelah perayaan kemerdekaan Republik Indonesia, untuk mengingat nilai-nilai pentingnya menjaga persatuan sebagai suatu bangsa.

PeaceTakecareGoodluck
Erma
23Aug2009